A common (and totally normal) challenge that parents face is when babies show a preference for who settles them at bedtime. This can be really tiring for the one who always has to do naptime and/or bedtime and it can also feel tough for those who want to be more involved but for whom little one just isn't keen about the change of plan!
If your baby or toddler only wants one parent, it’s not a reflection of the other parent’s relationship with their child. Parent preferences ebb and flow over time, and there are many valid reasons why you may want to share the responsibility of settling your little one to sleep with another caregiver.
I've got tips for you below!
Quality Time During the Day: Make sure each parent is spending time with baby on their own during the day. Building a strong bond outside of bedtime can help the baby feel more comfortable with that parent at night.
Gradual Introduction: Get your partner to observe and be present in the bedtime routine. It doesn't have to be the whole routine - just start off being involved with bath time or similar and build it up from there. This way, your little one will become familiar with your partner's presence and begin to associate them with the comforting bedtime routine.
You can slowly shift so that your partner starts to take on more of a role including drying, getting into pjs, reading a story etc.
Breastfeeding Considerations: If you are breastfeeding, you can still involve your partner - try passing your baby or toddler to the other person for the final stages of settling to sleep.
Discuss the Boundaries: It's important to have a conversation beforehand so whoever is taking over bedtime knows how you normally settle them. Discuss your bedtime boundaries in advance so you both know what to expect and can feel confident in each other.....BUT......
Let them have their own way of doing things: Consistency is important but so is letting partners have ownership. Little ones like the special things we do differently. Rather than having your partner do exactly what you do, allow them to figure out what works for them. This might be messy at first, but over time they’ll find their own rhythm.
The Final Step: Decide a date that your partner will do the whole routine and get your child to sleep. On the night, it can be useful to take yourself out. All will be fine!
Patience and Persistence: Changing bedtime routines and preferences takes time. It’s important for both parents to be patient and persistent. There may be resistance initially, but by remaining calm and consistent, little one will adapt.
Remember - your little one is with someone who loves and cares for them. Both acknowledge that it may take longer for your child to fall asleep, but that's ok - give your partner the confidence that you appreciate their help and encourage them to keep at it.
Ready to Get More Sleep?
If you’d like a helping hand to guide you through, then I am are here to help. Book in for a free 30min call if you'd like more support.
Comments